Office in Walnut Creek, California CA
Jay Slupesky, M.A., MFT
Existential therapy is based on the belief that human beings are alone in the world. This aloneness leads to feelings of meaninglessness which can be overcome only by creating one's own values and meanings. We have the power to create because we have the freedom to choose. In making our own choices we assume full responsibility for the results and blame no one but ourselves if the result is less than what was desired. The therapist helps his or her clients along this path: to discover why the client is overburdened by the anxieties of aloneness and meaninglessness, to find new and better ways to manage these anxieties, to make new and healthy choices, and to emerge from therapy as a free and authentic human being.
Existential therapy focuses on the development of a client's self-awareness by looking deeply into the issues of our aloneness, meaningless, and mortality. The therapist emphasizes the client's ability to freely make choices in the present, not under the influence of deterministic aspects or past conditioning. The existentialist attempts to convert meaninglessness into meaningfulness, giving the client the courage to make his or her own healthy choices and to lead a socially rewarding life. Existential therapists have their own unique views about human nature, mental dysfunction, wellness, and therapeutic techniques.
Existential therapy holds that humans are essentially alone in the world. We long to be connected to others, to have meaning in their lives while they have meaning in ours, but ultimately we must come to realize that we cannot depend on others for our validation, and with that realization we finally acknowledge and understand that we are fundamentally alone. The result of this revelation is anxiety in the knowledge that our validation must come from within and not from others.
Because we are alienated and isolated our lives are also meaningless. Nothing exists which is greater than ourselves, therefore there are no external sources of values and absolutes from which we can draw. Taken to an extreme we might conclude that there is nothing for which to live, however, there is hope in the possibility of creating our own values and our own meanings and applying them to our condition, giving us feelings of significance and purpose that are strong enough to carry us through life. This freedom we have to choose our own values is another source of anxiety: we must summon the requisite strength and courage to choose our life-meaning and hold fast to it, undoubtedly a task which many find difficult (Corey, 2001).
Human beings are also mortal. As we come to grips with the fact that our lives are limited, we develop even more anxiety: we are afraid of death. The knowledge that at some point in the future we will cease to be, while frightening, is at the same time invigorating because it is relevant right now. The juxtaposition of life and death is one thing that does give us some certainty.
Finally, humans are responsible. Being isolated, alone, and free to choose means that one cannot assign blame for his or her problems to someone else. The individual alone makes the choices and therefore is responsible for the outcomes. At any point we are free to make different choices and thus re-invent ourselves; we are at once the architect, the planner, and the builder of our lives, throughout our lives.
The ill person is stuck and unable to overcome the anxiety that results from the human conditions of aloneness, isolation, mortality, and meaninglessness. Rather than taking charge of life and seeking out direction and meaning, he or she accepts things as they are and makes no effort to change for the better. Even though the ill person feels trapped and helpless, his or her freedom to choose goes unexercised because making changes is difficult; it is easier and safer not to rock the boat. The results are rigidness, compulsions, a strong need for approval, avoidance of responsibility, reluctance to make decisions, blame-shifting, and an inordinate fear of death (Corey, 2001). By ceding control of his or her life to outside forces, the ill person encumbers himself or herself with a limited self-awareness.
Well people face the anxieties of life head-on. They not only understand but embrace the human condition of aloneness. Well people have successfully completed the quest for satisfactory answers to life's questions. They have accepted their own limitations yet are still able to generate self-approval from within. They revel in the freedom to choose and take full responsibility for their choices. They courageously take the helm of their lives and steer in whatever direction they choose; they have the courage to be. Well people arrest their feelings of meaninglessness by realizing that they alone can give meaning to their lives. By building, by loving, and by creating they are able to live life as their own adventure. Finally, well people have also accepted their mortality and have overcome any inordinate fear of death.
The existentially-oriented counselor helps his or her clients to confront life's anxieties. If the client has not been fully exercising the freedom to choose, the counselor will help in discovering how and why he or she is stuck. Perhaps the client has been allowing others to make the important decisions which he or she alone should be making. Possibly the client is afraid to take the risks required to grow and is instead choosing an easy and non-threatening path. The counselor will encourage his or her clients to reflect on the aloneness and meaninglessness of life, and to understand that they must find their own ways to cope with these anxieties. The counselor does not try to eliminate these anxieties, but instead encourages the client to face them head-on. Alternative paths can be explored together. The risks entailed with these paths can be evaluated, and then the client will be able to make new, more authentic choices (Corey, 2001).
The existential counselor is not overly concerned with the client's past. Instead, the emphasis is on the choices to be made in the present. The counselor and the client may reflect upon how the client has answered life's questions in the past, but then attention shifts to searching for a new and increased awareness in the present and enabling a new freedom and responsibility to act.
2004 Dec 1