A Marriage Therapist's Blog

 

Thoughts on Marriage Counseling

 

Archive for July, 2007


Jul 13

What is a Marriage Therapist?

By Jay Slupesky
No Comments
About Marriage Therapy

All marriage & family therapists (MFTs) in California are licensed to perform marriage therapy. Yet, surprisingly, the typical MFT has limited training in working with couples and finds such work difficult. A few MFTs, however, choose marriage therapy as a specialty and pursue advanced training in the field. This distinction between a typical MFT and an MFT who is a marriage therapist is important, because the skills required to be a good marriage therapist are quite different than the skills learned and practiced by therapists who work with individuals. For example, an individual therapist helps people to understand and process their feelings, identify and correct faulty ways of thinking, and come to terms with problems experienced in childhood.

Unhappy CoupleOn the other hand, a marriage therapist focuses on the relationship between two people. If a couple is in crisis, there usually is not a lot of time to look at family-of-origin issues right away (although that could come later when some stability has been achieved). The marriage therapist looks to see what levels of fondness and admiration the partners have for one another, and whether any feelings of love remain. The marriage therapist is also very interested in how a couple handles conflict. Who starts a conflict discussion? And is it a harsh or a soft start? How does the other partner react? How long does the conflict last? Who tries to repair the relationship?

It is not unusual for there to trust problems in a marriage, and the therapist must be able to help the couple to work through the healing and forgiveness that are required to restore the marriage to a position of strength. With a good marriage therapist, and with time and hard work, some couples emerge from the crisis of infidelity when an even stronger relationship than they had before the affair came to light.

The marriage therapist is also a teacher. Many couples do not know how to handle conflict discussions in a way that prevents them from spiraling out of control. The therapist can give a couple the proper tools to keep disagreements at a calm emotional level.

All of these facets of couples counseling are performed by a marriage therapist. I offer marriage therapy in my San Ramon, Livermore, and Walnut Creek offices. Nearby cities include Pleasanton, Danville, Dublin, Concord, Pleasant Hill, Clayton, Antioch, Brentwood, Sunol, Mountain House, and Tracy. Call me at 925-351-8447 to schedule a no-charge introductory consultation.