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Jun 04

A Bad Way to Feel Better

By Jay Slupesky
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Domestic Violence, Marriage Dynamics

Depressed ManOne more post about domestic violence. It’s a good one, though.

When we think about men who are violent towards women, we naturally think of the man as of being in a position of power over the woman. Typically, he is physically stronger, and he is using his strength to hurt her and to intimidate her.

Yet ironically, even though we think of the abusive male as being powerful, he is being abusive because he feels inadequate. He feels bad about himself for some reason, and he defends and compensates against this feeling by exerting his physical strength against a weaker victim.

What are some things that the violent man might feel inadequate about? Here are a few:

  • he has just lost his job, or had some other major setback in his life.
  • he doesn’t like his job or is doing poorly at his job.
  • his wife/girlfriend is more successful than he is; perhaps she makes more money or just received a promotion.
  • his wife/girlfriend has a better education than he does.
  • his wife/girlfriend has left him (possibly due to previous violence).

All men feel inadequate at times. The issue is how well the feelings are dealt with. Obviously, a man with a strong ego and decent self-esteem is able to handle situations like these in healthier ways.

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This entry was posted on Wednesday, June 4th, 2008 at 7:38 am and is filed under Domestic Violence, Marriage Dynamics.

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