A Marriage Therapist's Blog

 

Thoughts on Marriage Counseling

 

Nov 25

Are We There Yet?

By Jay Slupesky
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About Marriage Therapy


Young Boy, Qaqortoq, Greenland

People who call me to talk about beginning marriage therapy usually want to know how long they will be in counseling. Since I’ve had couples who came to only one session - and couples who came for more than a year - it’s hard for me to predict how long a particular couple will be in therapy.

The most variation I see is with couples who begin therapy as a result of a crisis. For example, the couple has been through an argument that got hot and heavy and lasted all weekend. With these types of couples, we usually have made a lot of progress after four or five therapy sessions. The crisis is behind them and they are starting to feel better about one another. At this point they are in the honeymoon period of marriage therapy.

Sometimes couples end therapy at this point. They think they don’t need counseling any longer since the crisis has passed. I try to tell them about the honeymoon phenomenon and that while yes, we have dealt with the crisis, we have not yet addressed the underlying issues in the marriage that led up to the crisis. Usually they listen politely but end therapy anyhow. I can’t stop them, of course, but I fear that at some point in the future they are going to be facing another crisis and not have the skills to deal with it.

The wise couples stay in counseling and do the real work required to repair the flaws in their relationship.

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This entry was posted on Tuesday, November 25th, 2008 at 2:52 pm and is filed under About Marriage Therapy.

One Response to “Are We There Yet?”

  1. Dawn Pugh Says:
    November 28th, 2008 at 2:09 am

    Hi Jay,
    I read your article and wanted to add;
    I feel that marriage therapy is more productive when both parties attend the sessions. Both must feel committed to making the relationship work. If your partner flatly refuses to enter the therapeutic arena then go by your self, you can still benefit and learn things about your own reactions and behaviours.
    Many thanks
    Regards

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