Cliff and Claire’s First Counseling Session, Part II

Jul 16

Cliff and Claire’s First Counseling Session, Part II

By Jay Slupesky

: Cinco de Mayo 2009; Photo © 2009 Jay Slupesky

At this point we were about halfway through the 50-minute session, meaning that it was time to delve into the issues and events that brought Cliff and Claire to my office. When I asked the question, they nervously looked at each other as if neither of them wanted to be the first one to answer. Finally Claire spoke up and said, “We’ve been arguing a lot more than usual and the intensity of the arguments has ratcheted way up. Lately whenever it gets bad we are calling each other names and threatening to leave each other. We never did that before.”

I asked if they were arguing about the same issue over and over. Claire replied, “Well, we had been arguing about about bills a lot. I mean I’m sure you think we must make a lot of money, since Cliff’s a doctor and I’m a lawyer. But since we moved to California our income has gone way down. Plus we have always spent way too much money and we have never saved any. Now we have over $20,000 in credit card debt. I think each of us blames the other for spending too much money…you know, we both like nice things. But anyway, the last big blowout argument happened when I was looking at the cell phone bill and I noticed that Cliff had been calling one particular number almost every day and talking for a long time…like 45 minutes or so. This really got my attention because Cliff has never liked talking on the phone and I’m lucky if he calls me at all during the day!”

Claire went on to say that she asked Cliff whose phone number it was, hoping for a reasonable explanation but fearing something much worse. He said that it was cousin’s phone number and that he had been trying to help out this cousin, who has been going through hard times because he lost his job and the health care coverage for his family. Claire said, “I actually believed this story for a while, but the more I thought about it, I didn’t believe it, because he hardly ever talked about this cousin before. So I told Cliff I was skeptical and that I was going to call the number, picking up the phone as I spoke. Cliff stopped me and said, OK, you’re right, it’s not my cousin. Well, he finally admitted that it’s a woman, a former patient of his, and that they had become friends. He admitted that they met for lunch once a week in addition to talking on the phone. He claims that nothing physical happened between them, but I don’t know if I believe this or not. He said he is sorry, but I just think he’s sorry that he got caught.” Cliff was looking out the window as his wife spoke, watching the squirrels run up and down the trees behind my office, trying to remain calm in what must have been an embarassing moment for him.

I didn’t say anything, hoping that Cliff would speak without being prompted. After a minute, he did. “Yes, I have become close friends with Maria, a former patient of mine. We do talk on the phone and text each often, and yes, we have met for lunch. I have felt guilty for sneaking around behind Claire’s back, but really, I’ve been so lonely lately, I just needed someone to talk to. With Maria I can talk for an hour and it seems like only a few minutes have gone by. Unfortunately, Claire and I don’t talk much, there is a way too much silence when we are together, and I feel like I can’t tell her a lot of things that are going on in my life without her getting upset.”

By this time I was thinking that both Claire and Cliff had told me a lot of things that are going to require exploration in future sessions. Time was running down towards the end of this session, though. and I asked a few follow-up questions. I told them that I wanted to see each of them individually one time. They agreed, and we set an appointment for Claire for the following week, and one for Cliff the week after that.

They paid me my fee by check, then we shook hands and they left. I took a few minutes to make some notes of my impressions of the session and reminders to myself of things that we need to cover later. I put the notes in their case file.

This entry was posted on Thursday, July 16th, 2009 at 1:22 pm and is filed under About Marriage Therapy.

3 Responses to “Cliff and Claire’s First Counseling Session, Part II”

becky Says:
July 13th, 2009 at 5:43 pm
Like your blog - great resource. Thank you! I am also a marriage and family therapist in Utah.
Kimberly Moffit Says:
August 2nd, 2009 at 4:25 pm
Hi there!

Great site - I like how you really get into problems that we therapists come across all the time. I am a therapist in Toronto looking to network with other therapists.

Have a great day!

Kim
Amanda H Says:
March 23rd, 2010 at 2:41 pm
Love your site awesome place for resources. Learning alot. Thanks for all you do.

Amanda H

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