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Apr 12

Cliff and Claire’s First Counseling Session, Part I

By Jay Slupesky
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About Marriage Therapy

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Cliff and Claire’s first session with me was scheduled for Wednesday at 6:00 PM. They arrived at my office a few minutes early, sitting down in the waiting room, having braved a driving rainstorm that had begun about an hour before. Both of them wondered what to expect from the session since neither had been in counseling before.

At 6:00 PM I went to the waiting room, introduced myself, and invited Claire and Cliff into my office, pointing out the couch my clients sit on, and welcoming them to my practice. They handed me the paperwork that I had emailed them after they scheduled the appointment. They had filled out the background information forms and had read and signed the Informed Consent document which covers some of the parameters of the counseling process.

I asked them if they had read and understood the Informed Consent document, knowing that some people sign forms without reading them, and wanting to be sure that they understood important things like my cancellation policy; they said they had read the document and agreed to it. Next I took a few minutes to look over the background information forms they had filled out, noticing that Claire was on a medication to help her sleep and that she had suffered from an eating disorder as a teenager. Cliff reported that he had somewhat of a problem with alcohol, occasionally drinking too much in social situations.

Having the formalities out of the way, I began getting to know my new clients.  Claire told me that she is a partner at large law firm, specializing in consumer law, and had recently won a lawsuit against a car repair company. Cliff said that he is a physician in private practice. Cliff and Claire were both born and raised in Brooklyn, New York, and had moved to the San Francisco area about five years ago, wanting to get away from the winter cold of New York, and hoping to advance their careers faster in California.

I asked them how they met. Claire answered with a smile, saying that when they were in undergraduate school at NYU they were in the same American Literature class, and each thought that the other was “cute,” but for a few weeks they didn’t talk to one other, each being too shy to approach the other. But when it came time to form groups for a presentation, the two of them made sure to get into the same group, and the ice was broken. Now having reason to be together, their friendship blossomed rapidly, and very soon they were dating.

Next I asked what attracted them to one another, knowing that this question usually lightens the mood in the counseling office, at least temporarily, since each person will be speaking positively about the other. Cliff and Claire both said that the other person was physically attractive, and Cliff added that he loved (and still loves) Claire’s eyes. Claire grinned at the compliment and countered that she has always loved how Cliff can make her laugh. 

As I always do in the first session, I asked them about the history of their marriage.  Did they consider it to be generally happy?  Mostly unhappy?  Or has it been up and down?  Claire said that in her opinion the first five years of marriage were very happy. After that, a slow decline set in as increasing job responsibilities meant more time spent at work and less time with each other. She had travelled frequently during the early part of her career, and many times they were apart for five days of the week and saw each other only on weekends.  Since they were spending so little time together, they began to drift apart emotionally and physically.

Cliff agreed with most of what Claire had said regarding their history together and added that he blamed her work habits for a lot of their difficulties. He said that a 12-hour work day was routine for Claire, and that he resented it because he knew that as a partner in her law firm she was not required to work long hours.  He said he sometimes wonders if Claire worked so much because she prefers not to be at home with him.

This entry was posted on Sunday, April 12th, 2009 at 3:44 pm and is filed under About Marriage Therapy.

4 Responses to “Cliff and Claire’s First Counseling Session, Part I”

  1. Charlot Says:
    April 22nd, 2009 at 9:19 am

    Thanks for writing this.

  2. Anonymous Says:
    May 15th, 2009 at 8:41 pm

    Hello Jay!

    My name is Kelly Johnson and I am a therapist in Denver, CO. I love you blog, it is insightful and funny. Have you found that your blog has helped you build your practice? Anyay, just wanted to “drop” in and say hello! Your on my blog as my top ten favorites!! Have a great week!

  3. Marriage counseling advice Says:
    May 23rd, 2009 at 3:59 am

    Your story about Cliff and clair depicts that you really know what you are doing with regard to marriage counseling and relationship advice.

    Thank you so much for this blog and the posts herein.
    Mary Janet

  4. lol adri Says:
    November 8th, 2011 at 12:49 am

    Hello Jay,
    I found you blog interesting and insightful. I am a student counselor and it is helpful.

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