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Aug 15

Dealing with Divorce

By Jay Slupesky
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Marriage Dynamics

You’ve probably heard about the Five Stages of Grief. The stages were initially identified by author Elisabeth Kubler-Ross to describe what a person goes through after finding out that they have a terminal illness.  Here are the five stages and an example of what a terminally-ill person might say while in each stage:
Counting to Five

  1. Denial: “There must be a mistake.  I’m fine.”
  2. Anger: “Why me?  This isn’t fair.”
  3. Bargaining: “God, I’ll do whatever you want.  Just let me live for a few more years.”
  4. Depression: “What’s the point of anything?  I’m dying.”
  5. Acceptance: “There’s nothing I can do.  I might as well make the best of the time I have left.”

Some time after Kubler-Ross introduced this model, relationship experts realized that people who are going through the end of their marriage also go through the five stages of grief.  Here again are the stages, along with a person what a person approaching divorce might say in each stage:

  1. Denial: “He won’t really divorce me. He’ll change his mind.”
  2. Anger: “This is outrageous after all I’ve done for him.”
  3. Bargaining: “I’ll do whatever you want…just don’t leave me.”
  4. Depression: “I never thought I would be divorced. What will people think of me?”
  5. Acceptance: “Life will go on after the divorce. I’ll be OK.”

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This entry was posted on Friday, August 15th, 2008 at 9:14 pm and is filed under Marriage Dynamics.

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