A Marriage Therapist's Blog
Thoughts on Marriage Counseling
Anger exists in every relationship. How it is expressed and dealt with, though, are unique to each individual and couple. Some people deal with their anger by repressing and stifling it. Others express their anger in more indirect and subtle (yet highly destructive) ways, such as corrosive criticism and passive/aggressive comments and behaviors. Other couples may be more direct and overt with their anger, resulting in yelling and frequent fighting. For some, anger and rage are so uncontained that they become explosive and, in the worst case, physically violent.
In Imago Relationship Therapy, anger is accepted as an emotion that exists in every individual and relationship. Exploring how couples express (or repress) anger is essential in order to reduce its destructive impact. I teach couples tools such as containment, which permits anger and resentment to be expressed and released in a relationship without hurting the other person. While the root of the couple’s anger is also significant, containment first works to help create space and a safe climate for anger to be expressed and heard without judgment, defensiveness, or criticism. Containment also teaches more objectivity around your spouse’s anger in that his/her anger won’t harm you, and that therefore you don’t have to be wrapped up in his/her emotional state or reactivity.
Containment is only one of many tools that Imago Relationship Therapy offers to help couples experience and express anger more constructive ways. The result is living more honestly, fully, and intimately with your partner by converting anger—a potentially harmful emotion—into its original, life-giving and loving form.
Tags: Imago Relationship Therapy V
This entry was posted on Thursday, April 29th, 2010 at 11:25 am and is filed under Communication.
4 Responses to “Imago Relationship Therapy V”
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April 29th, 2010 at 3:10 pm
Dealing with anger productively is so important - this article has so much to offer. Anger can be used to further a relationship. It doesn’t have to break it down. Amazing insight here.
Darlyn
fix marriage
April 29th, 2010 at 4:53 pm
Sounds like a really great approach! My best friend and her boyfriend should see you! (Not abusive, he just doesn’t know how to deal with issues)
May 6th, 2010 at 5:34 am
Trust,Mutual understanding and respect helps a relationship in going a long way,We at abppatropatri opine that marriages can be successful as long as anger in the form of ego is eliminated and frequency is balanced between the both.
Great writeup by the way.
May 13th, 2010 at 6:23 am
Controlling anger and dealing with tempers is very important. It can shatter a good relationship and lives of people. Imago Relationship Therapy is a new concept for me and I have never heard of it. But it sounds interesting.