Just Around the Next Curve?

Apr 20

By Jay Slupesky

Patterson Pass Road, east of Livermore Remember back in high-school math class when you were panicked that you completely bombed that last test? And you were really worried about how that would affect your GPA? And that you might not be able to get into Stanford after all? But then Mr. Jones announced that no one had done particularly well on the test, and so he’d decided to grade it “on the curve.” When this first happened to me, I said “Huh? Curve? What’s that mean?”

Of course, I came to understand that the curve was a really good thing, because it took the best score on the test and, no matter how bad that score was, it got a grade of A+. This helped me because even though my score wasn’t the highest, I still had a good shot at getting an A or B on the test. And instead of lowering my GPA, that “bad” test actually might have raised it! (Hello, Stanford!)

I think marriages can be graded on the curve as well. I’m sure we would all agree that since there are no perfect persons on the planet, there are certainly no perfect (100%) marriages. However, there are probably many marriages that could be graded as an 85% or a 90%. Let’s assume for a moment that, grading on the curve, those 85%-90%-scoring marriages are actually the grade A marriages. Do you realize what that does for your marriage? When graded against perfection, yours might score a dismal 60%, but when graded on the curve, your marriage suddenly isn’t that bad! In and of itself, that is good news, and can it should give you hope that you can raise the “grade” even further.

The point here, of course, is that every marriage has difficult times, but those times are usually not fatal. And many marriages, even the 90% ones, can benefit from marriage counseling. Looking at your marriage on the curve helps you to see that there is hope and that the “grade” of any marriage can be raised. If you score a 75%, you could try marriage counseling and raise it to 90%. You may not be able to make your marriage perfect, but you can make it a lot better.

Why not try to “raise the grade” on your marriage?

This entry was posted on Sunday, April 20th, 2008 at 3:19 pm and is filed under Marriage Therapist's Tips.

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