A Marriage Therapist's Blog
Thoughts on Marriage Counseling
Yesterday I wrote about how some men want to minimize and not talk about their affairs (whether emotional or physical). As a real-life example, I give you John Edwards.
Last night Edwards, the ex-senator and former presidential candidate, finally admitted to having had an affair, after denying it for months. This pretty much shatters his carefully-cultivated image of the loyal husband standing by his wife while she battles incurable cancer.
I noticed several interesting things in the television interview that Edwards gave and in the written statement that he released. All of them seem like attempts to minimize the damage.
- The timing was no accident. Fewer people pay attention to news on Friday evenings since it’s the beginning of the weekend. Also, a lot of people were tuned into the opening ceremonies of the Olympics. Finally, Russia’s invasion of Georgia was another distraction.
- The words affair and cheating were never used. He spoke of having had “a liason” and making “a serious error in judgment.” (You think?)
- He said that his had been “99 percent honest” while denying the affair for the past year or so. That’s just laughable.
- But he did say somthing that I find very credible: “in the course of several campaigns, I started to believe that I was special and became increasingly egocentric and narcissistic.” Ah, narcissism, one of my favorite topics. Remember that narcissists believe that they are special and that the rules don’t apply to them. Yeah, that fits here.
Tags: Infidelity, narcissism
This entry was posted on Saturday, August 9th, 2008 at 5:34 pm and is filed under Infidelity.
4 Responses to “Leave Me Alone, I’m a Family Man”
Leave a Comment
A Brief History of Plagiarism & Copyright Infrigement of this Website
©2007 - 2011 Jay Slupesky, M.A., MFT. All rights reserved.
Referer: none
East Bay Couples
Counseling
Central East Bay Location
- Walnut Creek, CA Off I-680 at South Main St.
August 10th, 2008 at 11:25 am
You might also wish to remember that narcissists vacillate between inferiority complexes and extreme superiority. Frequently they come from upper middle class families, where there is enough time for the child to “grow into” the sense of being entitled, although this is not a given. And finally, they frequently have no core self, which is hard for the average person to comprehend. “How can they not know who they are?” the average person asks. Simple. They are a bit like a Frankenstein monster: this person’s laugh, this one’s sarcasm, this one’s sense of being a “free soul,” this one’s disdain. There is nobody home in this particular body, but there are many pieces of others GRAFTED on to this person’s persona. Quite long-term therapy and multiple weekly sessions may be the course of action. Not an easy one to overcome.
January 21st, 2010 at 3:49 pm
wow so everything I read here was bang on speaking from experience. I have printed them all for my husband to help him understand how we both feel. To Broke right now to continue marriage counselling but we have a new relationship and are on the road to a healthy recovery …….. it has of course been just over a year
April 15th, 2011 at 8:41 am
Wow! this really hits home. Just realized I am married to such a person and when I try to make him understand,well it’s all my doing. HOpe I will find the way to cope.
April 16th, 2011 at 12:21 pm
I’ve been married for 27 years. My husband is narcissistic without a doubt. I’ve never really know about personality disorders until I was diagnosed with bipolar three years ago.
My husband was supportive because he understood I was depressed. He had an affair with a little Indian girl 7 years ago. I was pretty sick about it all, to say the least. He worked out-of-town consistantly, and had most of our married life, home on weekends, birthdays, etc., and sometimes for a few weeks at a time, and I held down the fort and raised our two children. I helped with his business, which we started together. At any rate, when I found out about the affair (he was sharing an apartment with this girl (21 yrs., him 50 yrs.) and I was devastated when I found out. At any rate, no, the affair was not my fault. I explained I had spent a lot of lonely, lonely, time in the marriage. I didn’t mind, because, well, we had a good life, house in the city, cottage on the water, two vehicles, and enough money to have a bit of fun, movies, etc. Well, his reply to me about being lonely was “me too”!! What, “me too!!” He was the one who wanted the business and money. So, we moved, and my mother financied a business loan for a new business, one where he could be home at night with the kids and I. But, he blew that too, didn’t work at it, it became too much. Now he’s gone with all our cash. I have to start over. So, Yes, leave when you realize it’s abusive, physical or emotional. My husband puts me on hold, no communication, I suppose because I’m not allowed to ask uncomfortable questions. If I do, I get a short curt answer. He will not change, they can’t. There is nothing inside these monsters to change. Also, I believe the addiction to drugs and alcoholic is what the use to fill that void of nothingness and emptiness. They will also such you dry until you have nothing left, not even a tear. So, run as fast as you can, and never look back. NEVER!!!