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Dec 16

Let’s Make Some “I Statements”

By Jay Slupesky
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Communication


Kitten

As any communication-oriented marriage counselor will tell you, it’s always better to make an “I statement” than a “You statement.” What you say should be about yourself and your own feelings (and hence it can easily begin with the word “I”) as opposed to a blaming or criticizing statement about someone else (and such a statement which probably would begin with the word “you.”)

I thought it would be fun to dream up some You statements and turn them into the likely I statement that should be made instead.

You statement: “You are always angry.” I statement: “when you act that way I worry that you are angry at me.”

You statement: “You don’t pay attention to me.” I statement: “I’m worried that you aren’t as interested in me as you used to be.”

You statement: “You don’t say you love me anymore.” (I think that’s a song lyric!) I statement: “I’m afraid that you don’t love me anymore” or perhaps “I feel unloveable.”

You statement: “You’re mean to my friends.” I statement: “I wish that my friends could see what a great person you are.”

And one more. You statement: “You are a selfish narcissist.” I statement: “I worried that my desires aren’t important to you any longer.”

Think about how you react if your spouse made some of these You statements to you. Then think how you would react to the corresponding I statements. Hopefully your reaction to the I statements would not be defensive or attacking but would be another caring I statement.

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This entry was posted on Tuesday, December 16th, 2008 at 8:23 pm and is filed under Communication.

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