Marriage Counseling for One

Jul 26

By Jay Slupesky

Red Sky Over San Francisco Bay As I’m sure you are aware, most marriage counseling takes place with both the husband and the wife present. However, over the past year or so I have had a handful of cases in which only one spouse attended counseling because the other spouse refused to come. In almost every case, remarkable progress was made in the marriage as a result of the one spouse’s counseling experience.

I think that an individual who begins marriage counseling without his/her spouse in attendance shows true dedication and commitment. I would have expected that more often it would be the wife who would begin counseling alone, but in my experience it’s been about equally split between husbands and wives.

So how does it work? Obviously, I only get a firsthand report from one person. However, I also strive to figure out how the absent spouse feels about things. I do this by asking the attending individual what the absent spouse says (which would be counsidered inadmissable hearsay evidence in a court!) and then inferring what emotions are in play.

At this point I can begin making concrete suggestions to the attending individual regarding what he/she can do to make immediate improvements to the relationship.

The real payoff is when the absent spouse, impressed by the changes that the other person has made, begins to attend counseling.

Tags: suggestions

This entry was posted on Saturday, July 26th, 2008 at 5:08 pm and is filed under About Marriage Therapy.

2 Responses to “Marriage Counseling for One”

John E Says:
October 18th, 2009 at 9:10 pm
That helped me! i gotta get some one on one and then take the leftovers home………
Pedro Says:
January 30th, 2012 at 3:25 pm
Im currently separated from my wife of 7 years no kids. Our therapist suggested this time away, my wigs wanted a week but thd therapist suggested s month.
During separation my wife kept flipping back and forth.
Attended some sessions , then after apparently wanting to get back together
Decided on divorce.
She says that she loves me and that we have grat chemistry, however can’t handle the day to day stress anymore.
I’ve been out of work for a year and continue to pay all expenses from my savings. She works and pays her share of the bills.
She claims it’s not about the money it’s just that she is confused and needs space.
We were intimate and close but now she Is cold. except when we see each other she is warm and close to me although briefly.
Is it possible to bring her back again if I continue the therapy by myself?

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