A Marriage Therapist's Blog
Thoughts on Marriage Counseling
John Gottman has a theory about Positive Sentiment Override vs. Negative Sentiment Override in a couple’s communication. It’s pretty easy to tell the difference between the two. Consider a perfectly neutral statement such as, “we’re almost out of milk.” One possible response to this is, “OK, I should be able to pick up some more tomorrow.” This is positive. Another possible response would be something like, “so I’m a failure at grocery shopping? Why are you always criticizing me?” This is, of course, negative. This negative reponse is defensive and seems to indicate a chip on the shoulder.
How to change Sentiment Override from Negative to Positive? Work on reducing criticism and increasing appreciation.
Tags: Communication
This entry was posted on Thursday, August 28th, 2008 at 3:54 pm and is filed under Communication.
2 Responses to “Override This”
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October 10th, 2008 at 6:34 pm
Jay, what a great blog you have. I really like the way you describe the two different communication styles. Keep up the great work!! I enjoy seeing other therapists out there providing the education of relationships.
July 17th, 2009 at 8:29 am
But what if I am the one in negative sentiment override? How do I get myself out of it when my partner is critical and unappreciative?