Relationship Vision

May 27

By Jay Slupesky

In previous posts, I’ve talked about a conscious marriage—what it means and what are its key characteristics. In Imago Relationship Therapy, there are various exercises that may be used in couples counseling (as taken from Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples by Harville Hendrix) that help couples work toward a more conscious (meaning aware, honest, and insightful) marriage.

In this post, I will share one of these excersises called Your Relationship Vision. This exercise can be useful for any couple wanting to further define their relational goals and see the potential in their relationship. In the midst of differences, disagreements, and gripes, it can be refreshing to focus on a more hopeful future and the positive qualities you desire in the relationship!

Here are the steps:

Separately, write down short sentences that describe your personal vision for a deeply fulfilling relationship. These sentences can include qualities that are already present as well as those that you desire. Write these sentences in the present tense (as if you are already doing these things). For instance, “We laugh a lot” or “We support each other publicly” or “We are involved and loving parents.” Also, make sure that the statements are all stated in the positive. For example, instead of writing, “We don’t yell at each other” state, “We work out our disagreements respectfully.”
Next, share these sentences with each other. Underline any sentences that are the same (or express the same idea). Add any sentences to your list that your partner came up with that you agree with and want to add to your personal vision. Don’t do anything with the sentences that are not similar.
Looking at your list, rank each sentences with a number between 1 and 5 with “1” being the most important to you and “5” being not so important.
On your list, circle the two sentences that are most important to you and your relationship vision.
On your list, put a check next to the items that you believe would be the most challenging for you and your partner to achieve.
Now, working together, make a new list—a mutual relationship vision—from your individual lists. Start with the sentences that you both agree are most important. Then, put a check next to the sentences that you both agree would be most difficult to achieve. Write the sentences with the less important qualities in an agreed upon order. If there are sentences that cause disagreement, try to compromise on sentences that you both agree on. If this is not possible, leave the sentence off of the list.
Put this list where you both can see it daily. Once a week, read it to each other to be reminded about your shared goal and vision for your relationship.

Tags: Imago

This entry was posted on Thursday, May 27th, 2010 at 9:03 pm and is filed under Marriage Dynamics.

2 Responses to “Relationship Vision”

Ursula Says:
August 19th, 2010 at 10:40 am
I read the book and really really like because I can see so many things that are true that are relative to my partner and me. Though how do I get my partner to do it?
Therapist Finder Says:
August 30th, 2010 at 2:20 am
Realy this exercise will be useful for couples wanting to further define their relational goals and see the potential in their relationship

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