A Marriage Therapist's Blog

 

Thoughts on Marriage Counseling

 

Jul 12

Responding While Under Stress

By Jay Slupesky
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Attachment

Husband Reading EmailImagine a husband sitting down to the family’s computer. He notices that his wife forgot to log out of her email account before she left for work that morning. Unable to resist the temptation, he looks at some of her email, and finds a message sent to her from one of her male co-workers. The message is inappropriate in that the co-worker says that he thinks the woman is “hot.” Naturally, this gets the husband’s attention, and he calls wife to ask her about it. What does he say? Here are three possibilities:

  1. “This email really bothers me. Is there something going on between you and this guy? I hope not. I love you and I don’t want anything to threaten our marriage.” (Secure attachment)
  2. “How could you do this to me? I thought you loved me! Now it’s all over. I knew that I couldn’t trust you. I should have started checking up on you a long time ago.” (Anxious attachment)
  3. “Fine. Whatever. I hope you have fun with him. I don’t want to talk about this any more. I’ll be at the gym when you get home.” (Avoidant attachment)

Which of these three possibilities is most likely to get a full and honest response from the wife?

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This entry was posted on Saturday, July 12th, 2008 at 12:26 pm and is filed under Attachment.

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