A Marriage Therapist's Blog
Thoughts on Marriage Counseling
Imagine a husband sitting down to the family’s computer. He notices that his wife forgot to log out of her email account before she left for work that morning. Unable to resist the temptation, he looks at some of her email, and finds a message sent to her from one of her male co-workers. The message is inappropriate in that the co-worker says that he thinks the woman is “hot.” Naturally, this gets the husband’s attention, and he calls wife to ask her about it. What does he say? Here are three possibilities:
- “This email really bothers me. Is there something going on between you and this guy? I hope not. I love you and I don’t want anything to threaten our marriage.” (Secure attachment)
- “How could you do this to me? I thought you loved me! Now it’s all over. I knew that I couldn’t trust you. I should have started checking up on you a long time ago.” (Anxious attachment)
- “Fine. Whatever. I hope you have fun with him. I don’t want to talk about this any more. I’ll be at the gym when you get home.” (Avoidant attachment)
Which of these three possibilities is most likely to get a full and honest response from the wife?
Tags: Attachment, emotional affair
This entry was posted on Saturday, July 12th, 2008 at 12:26 pm and is filed under Attachment.
3 Responses to “Responding While Under Stress”
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April 15th, 2010 at 9:42 pm
This just happened to me a few days ago. I am the wife. So far #2 has been the answer. He is furious, demeaning, and wants me to call the wives of the men I have been talking to, to let them know. He wants me to see what I have done. The relationships were discussing sex as a way for me to “get off”. Then I would go to my bedroom to finish. I even made sure that they were unattractive so it stayed that way. I did not think about them during the day or any other time for that matter. Once they figured out they weren’t going to get any sex, they quit communicating. Which didn’t bother me one bit.
May 4th, 2010 at 1:10 pm
The first response is bound to get the best response from the wife!
May 20th, 2010 at 3:14 pm
I think the 2nd response would get the more worried,honest response from the wife, even tho maybe slightly irrational, but hey … its his wife he has a right to be annoyed, but these things do happen, and if you love and trust someone and the relationship is right, then the 1st response is what I would should happen.