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May 01

Seeing Things from the Other Person’s Point of View

By Jay Slupesky
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Communication

Trading Places bookThe other day, I had a few hours between meetings with clients, and I went for a bite to eat.  While I was sitting in a restaurant, I happened to overhear someone use these words: “If I were in their shoes…”

Have you ever thought about really being in someone else’s shoes? Not, literally, of course; being in someone else’s shoes is a euphemism for empathy, which is to know exactly how some else is feeling. That’s hard to do in a world where we taught to get in touch with our own feelings. Should we even bother to be empathic?  And, if so, how can you do it?

This the subject of a new book written by Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott called Trading Places. The cover of the book has a clever illustration of a shoe whose front half is a man’s shoe and the rear half is a red high heel! The Parrots point out that empathy is an extremely important characteristic to have in a good marriage. Putting yourself in your partner’s shoes (or “skin”) is a way of understanding where they are coming from.  This does wonders for reducing conflict between spouses.

Walt Whitman wrote, “I do not ask the wounded person how he feels, I become the wounded person.”  That’s empathy - actually feeling what the other person feels. Analyzing trades places in the head, sympathizing trades places in the heart, but empathizing does both. It is to understand from both the head and the heart.

So what does empathy (or “trading spaces”) do?  I’m glad you asked. Here’s a list of a few things that empathy can accomplish in your marriage:

  • reduce criticism
  • eliminate nagging
  • make conflicts shorter
  • makes you better friends/partners
  • reinforces commitment
  • brings “grace” to your marriage
  • makes for a longer life
  • allows for dreams to flourish

As Dr. and Dr. Parrott say: “When you accurately see any situation from another’s point of view, when you can experience it like they do, you instantly take a different approach to it“.

On Tuesday, May 6, this humble blog will be the host of the Parrotts’ two-week “Blog Tour” in which we’ll post a question to them, along with their answer. So stay tuned!  In the meantime, you might want to try out trading places with your spouse.

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This entry was posted on Thursday, May 1st, 2008 at 2:44 pm and is filed under Communication.

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