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Jan 29

Some News 4 U

By Jay Slupesky
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Communication


Grand Piano Strings
Photo © 2009 Jay Slupesky

The research journal Personal Relationships has published a study about - and I am not making this up - whether it’s possible to predict if a couple will stay together just by looking at what words they use in their instant message (IM) conversations. The answer they came up with is yes, it is indeed possible.

The study showed that the use of certain pronouns and emotion words is an indicator of relationship satisfaction and stability.  Some words indicate happy relationships and some other words indicate unhappiness.

So, what are the words?  I’m glad you asked.

For women, the use of the word “I” indicates satisfaction with themselves and the relationship. Men’s use of the word “me” indicates more of a dissatisfaction. Hmmm.

Men’s use of positive emotion words (e.g. “happy”) indicates satisfaction and stability, and women’s use of positive negations (e.g. “not happy”) indicates dissatisfaction. One additional interesting tidbit is that the use of sarcasm (e.g. “oh, great”) is a bad sign when used both men and women.

So I’m wondering: did they really need a research study to figure this out? I think I could have told them - and saved them all the time and money they spent on the research!

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This entry was posted on Thursday, January 29th, 2009 at 5:41 pm and is filed under Communication.

3 Responses to “Some News 4 U”

  1. Trudy the Renovator Wife Says:
    February 1st, 2009 at 2:49 pm

    from one professional to another, you are absolutely right! Thanks for the good information. My husband and I are both therapists and have been married for over 27 years! We’ve survived a lot. If we didn’t have humor we probably wouldn’t have made it! I write about it on my blog and wanted to ask you….is it ok if only one of the spouses uses sarcasm? Just kidding - it’s my way of saying “I love you”!

  2. julie Says:
    February 5th, 2009 at 10:12 pm

    is it typical for a hubsnd to physically threaten his wife because she won’t keep quiet in an arguement where her husband tells her to shut up because she is standing up for herself and doesn’t feel she has to back down because he gets to say whatever he wants but she can’t?

  3. Jay Slupesky Says:
    February 8th, 2009 at 1:26 pm

    Julie,

    No, that is not typical. It is verbal and emotional abuse. If you are in that situation, please get help. If there is a women’s crisis center in your area, they should be able to help you.

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