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Nov 09

The Secret that Marriage Counselors Don’t Want You to Know

By Jay Slupesky
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About Marriage Therapy


Bird on Berkeley Pier

Just kidding about that title. I’ve heard The Secret the Credit Card Companies Don’t Want You to Know commercial on the radio too many times. However, I do want to write about something that may come as a surprise to you.

Some couples begin counseling with the belief that they should feel warm & fuzzy about each other at the end of every counseling session. When that doesn’t happen they think that I must not be doing my job very well. I’ve even had couples drop out of counseling after a difficult session.

The fact is that some couples are conflict-avoidant, meaning that they don’t talk about things that might lead to an argument. Those subjects that they don’t talk about at home are things that we need to talk about in my office. That means that at the end of the session they may feel worse about each other than they did at the beginning of the session. They won’t be feeling warm & fuzzy about one another when they leave my office! But in the long run their marriage is going to be stronger because they have made progress on a key issue.

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This entry was posted on Sunday, November 9th, 2008 at 6:23 pm and is filed under About Marriage Therapy.

One Response to “The Secret that Marriage Counselors Don’t Want You to Know”

  1. Dawn Pugh Says:
    November 28th, 2008 at 2:16 am

    Hi Jay,
    Some sessions may be in silence as you quietly evaluate your partner’s perceived rights and wrongs. Some sessions may be quarrelsome, arguing to get your point across.
    You may discover that your relationship is irretrievable and make the decision to separate or even divorce. Then again your relationship could start to improve after only a few sessions.
    Many thanks

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