Why Do Some Women Stay with Violent Men?

May 31

By Jay Slupesky

Hands It is hard for many people to fathom why an abused woman would stay in her relationship. We might ask, “how can I help her to see that she needs to get out?” But let’s not judge someone until we’ve “walked a mile in her moccasins!” (Or let’s Trade Places like we talked about here a few weeks ago!)

Consider things from her perspective:

She may feel financially dependent on her husband/boyfriend and believe that she could not support herself and her children if she were on her own.
She may be afraid of:
- Greater physical danger to herself and/or her children if she tries to leave.
- Being stalked and beaten worse than before.
- Emotional damage to her children.
- Losing custody of her children.
- The unknown. (”Better the devil you know than the devil you don’t.”)
- Making formidable life changes.
She may still love him. It sounds crazy, but emotional dependence is powerful. She may still see the “good” in him and think that he won’t hurt her again. In fact, during the “good” times, when he is not abusing her, he may seem like a great husband.
She may have strong religious convictions and believe that divorce is wrong.

Again, it’s best not to judge someone until we put ourselves in her shoes. And let’s be careful not to blame the victim. After all, it’s not her fault that she’s in a violent relationship.

Tags: abuse, Domestic Violence

This entry was posted on Saturday, May 31st, 2008 at 3:29 pm and is filed under Domestic Violence, Marriage Dynamics.

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